IN THE PRESS (SEP - DEC 2024)

Is closure overrated? Here’s why you don’t need answers to move on

Theresa Pong, founder and counselling director at The Relationship Room, says that, from psychological and emotional perspectives, closure can be understood as the mental and emotional state in which an individual feels a sense of completeness and acceptance regarding the end of a relationship. 

“When the individual no longer dwells on the past or feels the need to revisit unresolved issues, they have reached the final stage of the grieving process and are ready to close that chapter and move on to a new one,” she explains. “Additionally, when one reaches this point, they are able to reflect on the relationship with a deep sense of peace and acceptance.”

- Her World, 15 Nov 2024

'Can't afford that steak dinner': How to navigate friendship when there's a wealth gap

But will people feel hurt if their wealthier friends offer to cover their expenses?

Asked about this, the experts told me that offering financial help should always come from a place of mutual respect.

It should also never feel like an obligation for one friend to help another, Ms Theresa Pong, founding director of private practice The Relationship Room, told me.

For example, friends can decide to alternate who pays for meals in ways that do not make it awkward for one person. One friend could pick up the tab for a pricier meal, but the next meal that does not cost as much could be borne by the next person.

“The goal is to ensure that both friends feel valued and are contributing equally, albeit in different ways,” she said.

- CNA TODAY, 25 Oct 2024

Rebuilding Trust After Infidelity: A Step-by-Step Guide

Struggling to repair your relationship after infidelity?  This video offers expert insights and practical advice on how to rebuild trust and heal together. Together with other relationship experts, Ms Theresa Pong, counselling director, discusses the importance of open communication, emotional regulation, and setting clear boundaries.  

Discover effective therapy techniques and learn how to navigate the challenges of rebuilding trust over time. Don't miss this essential guide for couples seeking to overcome betrayal and find their way back to love.

- One Night Soirée, 22 Oct 2024

What to Do After Infidelity: Should You Stay or Walk Away? | Experts Advice

Betrayed and unsure what to do next? This video offers expert guidance on navigating the aftermath of infidelity. Ms Theresa Pong, counselling director, together with two other experts, discusses the immediate steps to take, how to decide whether to stay or leave, and strategies for emotional and physical self-care.  

Learn how to rebuild your self-esteem, protect yourself, and create a plan for moving forward. Discover valuable insights and practical advice from experienced professionals. Don't miss this essential video if you're facing the challenges of infidelity.

- One Night Soirée, 6 Oct 2024

What I've learnt about sustaining a relationship from watching the ups and downs of my parents' marriage

Counsellor Theresa Pong from The Relationship Room, which offers counselling and coaching services for couples and families, said that in the earlier stages of marriage, many young couples find difficulty in drawing boundaries with their in-laws.

“In-laws care for the couple, but entering into a whole new arrangement may cause disruptions,” Ms Pong said. “Sometimes the grandparents might visit every day and try to interfere with the (adult) child’s parenting techniques.”

“Or the in-laws might question who is now the priority — them or their children’s spouses?”

- CNA TODAY, 4 Oct 2024

The Main Causes of Infidelity Revealed | Experts Say

Infidelity is more than just a singular act of betrayal—it represents a rupture in trust, emotional connection, and unmet needs.  In this video, Ms Theresa Pong, Counselling Director, The Relationship will dive deep into the complex emotional landscape of infidelity, exploring its causes, effects, and the path to healing.  

 Whether you’re dealing with infidelity in your relationship or simply looking to better understand this topic, we hope this video provides valuable insights into what it takes to navigate and heal from one of the toughest challenges a couple can face. Watch to learn more about how infidelity can either break or transform relationships.

- One Night Soirée, 25 Sep 2024

Married but lonely: Is this normal and why do some women feel this way?

Theresa Pong, founder and counselling director of The Relationship Room, said that feeling lonely is “an emotional state filled with a strong sense of isolation or disconnection from others, even when physically surrounded by people”.

It is often accompanied by feelings of emptiness and a yearning for meaningful connections with others. “Feeling lonely speaks to a deeper emotional isolation, where one may be physically present with their spouse, but feels a disconnection,” she added.

On the other hand, feeling alone is more about physical solitude – it does not necessarily result in loneliness if there is still a strong emotional connection with others, she added.

- CNA Lifestyle, 18 Sep 2024

'Authentic connections': As more singles shun dating apps, some seek partners at 'real life' meet-up events, communities

Ms Theresa Pong, a relationship counsellor, said: “Many are now seeking deeper and more authentic connections.

"The fatigue from endless swiping, the impersonal nature of online interactions, and the desire for experiential interactions have led them to reconsider their approach to dating.”

- TODAY, 25 Aug 2024

These young Singaporeans are happy to remain single long term because of 'exhausting, bleak' dating culture

Counsellors such as Ms Theresa Pong, founder and counselling director at The Relationship Room, said that they are seeing more youth focusing more on investing time in hobbies and interests that bring fulfilment outside of romantic relationships.

“Interestingly, instead of relying on dating apps to make new connections, we observe that individuals are engaging in activities that promote mental and emotional health such as therapy, mindfulness practices and fitness routines.”

- TODAY, 10 Aug 2024

'I've not seen my kids in months': No winners in bitter divorces amid false police reports, alienation, stigma

On this note, Ms Theresa Pong from The Relationship Room, which provides counselling and coaching services, said that couples should consider seeing a marriage counsellor or couples therapist.

This allows couples to understand each other or the grief and loss from divorce.

The counselling director also said that 

beyond lawyers, friends and extended family members should "give couples space but still show support and presence by validating the emotions they are feeling".

"Unknowingly, family and friends sometimes escalate the conflict by taking sides or encouraging combative behaviour," Ms Pong added.ing why seeking help is a sign of strength.

- TODAY, 13 Jul 2024

Why Do They Cheat? | OpenHaus EP 1 with Theresa Pong, Founder of The Relationship Room

In this episode, we tackle the complex topics of infidelity, marriage, and rebuilding relationships with Ms. Theresa Pong, founder of The Relationship Room. 

 Join us as we uncover the underlying reasons behind infidelity, gain insights into maintaining a healthy and resilient marriage, and learn strategies for healing and rebuilding trust after betrayal. 

We also dive into the concept of BTO, the importance and process of forgiveness, and break down the stigma surrounding relationship counselling, emphasising why seeking help is a sign of strength.

- WriteHaus Asia, 9 Jul 2024

Dad-icated fathers: Dads who went the extra mile for their families

Ms Theresa Pong, counselling director of The Relationship Room, a private counselling practice, says emotionally involved dads serve as role models to their kids.

“They demonstrate the importance of showing respect in marriages and families. Children also learn essential skills for navigating relationships, managing conflicts and solving problems effectively.”

They also encourage children to take risks and explore new things. “These new skills, in turn, help boost children’s confidence,” she says.

- The Straits Times, 15 Jun 24

The existential 

crisis of entering the 'real world'

Pong, who specialises in relationship counselling, says that it’s important to recognise when a relationship has changed. Acknowledge your feelings of sadness and loss, and if needed, speak to a mental health specialist who can help you process and unpack these feelings, she adds.

“Such feelings are a natural part of growing up,” says Pong. As people take on more responsibilities in their lives, it’s natural to not have the time to nurture and maintain the relationships they used to have.

- The Business Times, 23 May 24

At 40, SDN not so hot anymore but still in the matchmaking game to help singles find love

SDN’s shift to focus on relationship skills is therefore not surprising, said experts that ST spoke to. Marriage counsellor Theresa Pong said today’s young singles are navigating a season of adulting while having grown up in a digital world.

One skill she sees as lacking is knowing how to interact and communicate face to face, said the director at The Relationship Room, a relationship counselling provider.

“They are doing everything digitally, which takes away the essence of relationships and marriages, which are all about everyday face-to-face interaction,” she said.

Other vital skills include learning to form healthy boundaries, said Ms Pong, who pointed at circumstances like open relationships and situationships – non-committal entanglements – as potential issues that can cause emotional wounds.

- The Straits Times, 17 Mar 24

The Mundane Thrill of "Romanticising Your Life":   Take time to indulge in the little things – your mental health will thank you

“The term ‘romanticising your life’ has risen to popularity since the pandemic,” explains Theresa Pong, counselling director at The Relationship Room. “It simply means making intentional efforts to appreciate life’s blessings, no matter how small they are. Additionally, it also means being present to experience the process of how these blessings bring positivity into your life.”.

So how is this similar to practising mindfulness? Mindfulness involves having moment-by-moment awareness of how our thoughts, feelings and bodily sensations interact with the surroundings, says Theresa. Romanticising your life also, similarly, emphasises the present moment we’re experiencing, using our senses. Plus, it helps us to put our focus on appreciation of life’s simple blessings without judgement. Additionally, it helps us to have increased sensitivity and focus towards our existing experiences and embrace gratitude in whatever circumstances we are in, she adds.

- Her World, 8 Mar 24

Beyond BTOs: What It Means To Be Aromantic in Singapore

The Relationship Room counselling director Theresa Pong shares that the experiences aros had growing up may have influenced them to view the idea of relationships from other perspectives. It pushes them to value companionships and partnerships instead of romance.

- Rice Media, 22 Feb 2024

Gen Zen: 'Big talk' can deepen a relationship, but how do you get over the anxiety of having such conversations?

Ms Theresa Pong, founder and counselling director at The Relationship Room, said that the growing trend towards big talks shows a desire for "more substantial discussions, perhaps involving key topics, personal reflections or significant life matters".

"Humans have an innate need to bond with one another. Having big talks with one another is one of the key ways to establish this connection."

Such deep conversations allow us to build a community of friends who share similar values, aspirations and principles. 

"In being vulnerable with people we trust, we feel validated and also begin to embrace our struggles wholeheartedly. This creates an environment where we can embrace our true selves," Ms Pong added.

- TODAY, 29 Jan 2024

Do You Have These Intimacy Red Flags In Your Marriage?

Being too busy can get in the way of our relationships at times but it’s important to maintain intimacy. Theresa Pong, founder and counselling director at The Relationship Room, explains that intimacy can be characterised by a deep, personal connection between individuals. It is marked by familiarity and love and entails a profound bond that goes beyond surface-level interactions. 

She cites Sue Johnson, a renowned clinical psychologist, who said that a deep, personal or emotional connection is the building block to a healthy and satisfying marriage.

“When a couple is able to enjoy this deep connection, they are able to attune to each other’s emotions and empathise in a supportive manner,” Theresa adds. “With this connection, the couple also enjoys a sense of security and trust in the relationship.” 

- The Singapore's Women Weekly, 21 Jan 2024

Feeling the heat? Climate change worsens mental health, experts warn

The anxiety caused by uncertainty due to climate change may not necessarily be explicit, added Ms Theresa Pong, counselling director at The Relationship Room.

With more extreme weather, plans may be disrupted and this can cause inconvenience.

For example, a family member is in charge of the laundry, but the weather may disrupt this daily chore and cause stress as the clothes need to be washed.

"The other family members are reluctant to step up with the laundry because they are not used to doing this chore which is undertaken by the family member previously," said Ms Pong.

"The sudden loss of certainty and stability adds mental and emotional burden on the individuals which would affect relationships in the long run."

Concern for the climate and environment can also cause conflict between people.

"While it is no surprise to know that typical issues couples quarrel about would include relationships with in-laws, parenting, finance and household chores, we have observed in recent months that climate change has started to emerge as one of the major issues couples fight about," said Ms Pong.

- TODAY, 14 Jan 2024

Want better mental health in 2024? Take a look at what the pros are doing

TIn 2023, relationship counsellor Theresa Pong faced so much stress while running her private practice that she had an eczema outbreak lasting almost three months.

The married mother of a teenage daughter has resolved to focus in 2024 on having a healthier diet, making time to exercise, and taking breaks from work to spend time with her family.

The founder and counselling director of The Relationship Room says that, thanks to the eczema outbreak, she has learnt the importance of self-compassion. Kindness to herself helps her be present for others.

“I am as human as anyone. I do feel tired and experience setbacks,” she says. “The eczema episode made me pause and relook at my personal space.”

- The Straits Times, 26 Dec 2023

Don’t Let The Kids Destroy Your Marriage — Here’s How

Theresa Pong, founder and counselling director at The Relationship Room, which specialises in marital and relationship counselling, says some couples may be unknowingly prioritising the children’s needs over their relationship. 

“This results in a lack of in-depth understanding of each other’s emotions and needs, and creates disconnection between husbands and wives. When this happens, partners feel neglected, lonely and resentful. Eventually, they will find difficulties in resolving arguments, experience a drop in affection and intimacy, and feel a lack of trust and safety in their relationship,” she shares.

- The Singapore Women's Weekly, 3 Dec 2023

New counselling skills track maps out job pathways for counsellors in Singapore

Ms Theresa Pong, counselling director and founder of The Relationship Room, who attended the symposium on Thursday, said the new track recognises the importance of counselling and its role in strengthening relationships and building resilience in individuals.

Family dynamics have evolved tremendously, she added, with rising trends such as more transnational, blended and single-parent families in Singapore, she added.

“As we see more and more families from diverse backgrounds and dynamics seeking help to mend relationships or get support for mental health challenges, it is crucial to have a structured pathway or framework in training so that we can work with families with high needs,” said Ms Pong.

- The Straits Times, 2 Nov 2023

Going to therapy is a ‘green flag’ in partners, say millennials and Gen Zs

Ms Theresa Pong, counselling director at The Relationship Room, often sees couples who come to her to clarify whether they are compatible enough to go the distance. These “couples-in-courtship” come for help to break out of conflict cycles, where they keep fighting and falling into antagonistic patterns of behaviour.

Seeing a counsellor or therapist helps couples and individuals gain insights into their emotional needs and interaction patterns that will empower them to “build resilient and healthy connections”, she says.

- The Straits Times, 9 Sep 2023

Is Your Partner Emotionally Unavailable?

Theresa Pong, counselling director at The Relationship Room, explains that being emotionally unavailable refers to the psychological and emotional state of an individual who is unable to connect with other parties at a deeper and more vulnerable level. In a relationship, for example, she says it may manifest as a pattern of avoiding having difficult conversations that involve sharing emotions. 

She also notes that individuals could have commitment issues as a result of being largely emotionally unavailable and, therefore, unable to articulate their inner thoughts and feelings. 

“In this case, the individual may find difficulty in articulating their concerns about the relationship,” she elaborates. “Having such difficult conversations can be overwhelming for them, and to avoid staying in the discomfort, they will withdraw and remain quiet or avoid discussion that is related to future relationship plans.”

- Her World, 21 Aug 23

Why is a larger share of the more recent ‘I Dos’ going the distance?

Couples who remarry often have to manage issues arising from children and ex-spouses from their previous marriage, which could be a source of tension.

Other unresolved issues, or emotional baggage, can strain the relationship, said Ms Theresa Pong, counsellor director at the Relationship Room.

“Without working through the grief, trauma and other emotional issues (from the failed marriage), the couple brings past baggage into the current remarriage, expecting that by getting into a new marriage, such past issues would be resolved on its own.

“In many cases that we see, the unresolved issues often lead to intense conflicts,” she added.

- The Straits Times, 19 Aug 2023

The Big Read: Dealing with infidelity, the ‘cancer’ of marriages

Ms Theresa Pong, founder of counselling firm The Relationship Room, said that the broken trust between the partners can result in them spiralling into a cycle of causing hurt to one another.

The injured partner, who goes through a process called betrayal trauma, experiences symptoms such as anxiety, depression, hyper-vigilance and fear, she said.

“This would manifest as constant interrogation of the infidelity act on the offending party,” she added.

“As the offending party does not know how to manage such behaviour, it would result in reactive conflicts that lead to even more emotional injuries to the primary relationship.”

- TODAY, 28 Jul 2023

Record number of marriages, fewer divorces in Singapore in 2022

Among the marital dissolutions observed in 2022, the highest number of divorces come from marriages between five and 10 years old.  Ms Theresa Pong, Counselling Director, shares with Channel NewsAsia her thoughts on the reasons why this particular group is susceptible to divorce and how couples can navigate through the different seasons in their marriages.

- Channel NewsAsia, 26 Jul 2023

Largest share of divorces and annulments in Singapore is among those wed for between 5 and 10 years

Ms Theresa Pong, counsellor director at the Relationship Room, said there are research findings to support the seven-year itch.

For instance, Dr John Gottman, a psychologist, found that unhappy couples take an average of six years before they decide to seek help. 

Said Ms Pong: “Sadly, these six years are generally filled with conflicts, unhappiness and perhaps issues involving trust. By the time couples realise that they need help, it would take a much longer period and effort to heal from the pain they have experienced.

“Unfortunately, many would choose to give up on their marriages, as they feel it would take too much to heal.”

- The Straits Times, 26 Jul 2023

My husband quit his job because of PSLE. But was it worth it?

Ms Theresa Pong, the founder and counselling director at The Relationship Room, a counselling private practice, said that unlike women who reach out for companions or join support groups in stressful situations, men tend to cope with their struggles by themselves.

SAHDs in particular, she said, could be facing their children throughout the day with no other social connections.

She recommends that they pursue hobbies or interests to build a positive outlook.

“Dads can continue to upgrade themselves through courses so that when their children are old enough, they can still go back to the workforce or even embark on businesses.”

- The Straits Times, 27 May 2023

Weaponised Incompetence - What is it, and How to Deal with it with your Partner

𝑾𝒆𝒂𝒑𝒐𝒏𝒊𝒛𝒆𝒅 𝒊𝒏𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒑𝒆𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆 is a term used to describe a situation where a person or organization deliberately uses their incompetence as a tactic to avoid responsibility, manipulate situations, or achieve their goals. However, in recent years, this term has been made famous by many videos made on TikTok, mainly women, sharing their personal experiences of how this concept manifests in their marriages or relationships.

Ms Theresa Pong, Counselling Director, has the privilege to share her views on what weaponized incompetence is in the latest online edition of Her World Singapore. Click on the link below to find out more how we can prevent weaponized incompetence in our personal relationships / marriages.

- Her World, 4 April 2023

Balancing Dual-career Relationships

Ms Theresa Pong, Counselling Director, had the privilege to be invited by Uncommon, a private network of female leaders to discuss about how to manage career transitions and relationship growths. In this one-hour webinar, she shared two major tips:

• Communicate: This is so obvious and yet, do we know how to communicate? The gist is not in the contents but the needs. Do we truly understand what our partner wants? Slow down and lean in to what your partner really wants.

• Attachment needs: Each of us has our attachment need. In general, our needs can be classified as need for partnership or companionship. Sometimes, we know the solutions but what we want is a listening ear. While in other occasions, we need an extra pair of hands to help us with the tasks that require our immediate attention.  Most importantly, marriage is about how we can build the "togetherness".

- Uncommon - 23 Feb 23

6 ways to co-parent better after divorce

Experts say that all members of the family benefit from effective co-parenting.

Ms Pong says former spouses can enjoy a less stressful parenting journey, be a part of their child’s life and focus on having positive experiences. Children can create happy memories instead of being trapped in the middle of their parents’ battles.

“They also learn through modelling what it means to be respectful to one another. If parents are able to communicate with each other cordially, their children would gain positive social skills, which would be important in establishing healthy relationships with others. This would, in turn, help to enhance their self-esteem,” she adds.

- The Straits Times, 6 Nov 2022

Never dated before? Try meeting more people with no expectations first, say experts

Ms Theresa Pong, counselling director at The Relationship Room, which counsels couples, said that while the advancement of technology has increased the pool of potential people to date, it has also made human interactions less intimate and personal. 

"A long time ago, we get to know each other by going on dates and meeting each other face to face, and that helps to improve our human interaction skills," she said. 

- TODAY, 16 Oct 2022

Adulting 101: I am unlearning and relearning how to express my feelings after a lifetime of anxiety

Ms Theresa Pong, counselling director of The Relationship Room, said that generally, how comfortable an individual is with being open to another depends on a concept called “Differentiation of Self (DoS)”.  

It is important for individuals to have a strong sense of DoS because it helps them maintain their own thoughts and emotions even in the face of pressure from people around them, she said.

“In other words, if we are able to develop a strong DoS, it means that we are able to recognise our needs and wants and maintain our individuality (personal identity) and not lose ourselves in the process of protecting the relationship with the other party," Ms Pong explained.

- TODAY, 10 Sep 2022

The Big Read: Generational gap — a bridge too far or are we making too much of it?

Ms Theresa Pong, the counselling director of The Relationship Room, which work with couples and families, said it is important to firstly, remain curious about why people may have differing views and secondly, to be respectful when addressing those views. 

“When you are curious, you will seek the rationale for why people do things because there must be a reason. That’s when the wall can be lowered and true communication can happen.

“And when you can respect each other’s views, there is this thing called safety in communication. That’s when we know that when we share our views, it won’t be put down or be used against us,” she added.

- TODAY, 28 May 2022

Adulting 101: How to avoid conflicts with your parents-in-law

"Conflict often starts because there are emotions involved, and both parties are reacting to each other," said Ms Pong.

"Be mindful of your tone and start your sentence with 'I' instead of 'you', so you don't come across as confrontational."

- TODAY, 7 May 2022

Pandemic Piles on Stress for New Parents

"Marriage is a journey of growth," says Ms Theresa Pong from The Relationship Room. "Take every transition or change as a way for you to learn more about your relationship and grow." 

Having a baby does not mean that you have to put your marriage on the backseat.  In this article by The Straits Times, Ms Theresa Pong, our Counselling Director, shares with us tips on how to "babyproof" your marriage in this pandemic. 

- The Straits Times, 28 Feb 2022

The Best Way to Manage Money in your Relationship, According to a Marriage Counsellor

"Understanding each other’s perspectives can help couples build emotional resilience.  With emotional resilience, couples are able to better overcome their differences and work towards a common solution." - Theresa Pong, Founder & Counselling Director, The Relationship Room.

Trying to make sense of every cent in your marriage?  In this article by Autumn Life, Theresa will be sharing some tips on how to navigate financial issues in your relationship.

- Autumn Life, 24 Feb 2022

Money Matters in Relationships : Embracing Financial Compatibility

"Have the money conversation even before the marriage.  Share your dreams and allow yourself to be vulnerable..." - Theresa Pong, Founder & Counselling Director, The Relationship Room.

The key to a navigating financial issues in a marriage is having a safe communication that allows each other to be vulnerable and share his/her needs.

Join Theresa in the latest episode of Autumn Conversation and find out more about how to communicate with your partner on money issues effectively.  

- Autumn Life, 18 November 2021

Adulting 101: How to manage clashes when parents and adult children share a roof

Ms Theresa Pong, counselling director at The Relationship Room, said that it could be helpful for young adults to try to see things from their parents’ perspective — listen to what their concerns really are and try to provide reassurance that their fears are unfounded.

“This is a period where you’re trying to build trust and assurance with them. Once that trust is built, they will be assured that you know how to manage this newfound freedom. Then, slowly over time, they will let go,” she said.

- TODAY, 11 September 2021

Adulting 101: I’m learning to say ‘no’ to friends and family. This has helped improve my relationships with them

Ms Theresa Pong, counselling director at The Relationship Room, said that boundaries are not only useful to protect your own needs, they are also necessary to protect your relationship with others.

“If you don’t keep the boundary and are afraid that you are going to ruin your relationships (by imposing one), you will make things worse because what happens is that when your boundary is being pushed, slowly you will start to have resentment,” she said.

- TODAY, 24 July 2021

Living Better - What Does This Mean & What Are its Practical Applications?

"Live longer. Live better.” We are living longer, but are we truly living better? What does it mean to live better?

Hear from Marital and Family Therapist Theresa Pong, together with other wellness professionals, as she shares her thoughts on “Living Better”, what it means to them and simple steps you can take and apply everyday for a better life.

- Core Conversations by Core Collective, July 2021

How parents can blunt the edge of sibling rivalry among their children

Effective management will help children grow up to become resilient and confident adults, says Ms Theresa Pong, founder and counselling director at The Relationship Room, a private practice that specialises in marital and family counselling.

She advises parents to take the opportunity to coach their squabbling kids in emotional regulation and problem-solving. "When children are able to articulate their emotions and express their needs, they are less likely to act out. And allowing children to work together and own the problem allows them to build confidence and trust, enhancing the sibling relationship." 

- The Straits Times, 4 April 2021